Tuesday, March 31, 2009
French band Phoenix who have functioned as backing band for Air. In 92, Laurent Brancowitz worked with Guy Manuel de Homem Cristo and Thomas Bangalter, future members of the band Daft-Punk. Their music has been featured in films such as Lost in Translation, directed by Sofia Coppola (who is the leader’s partner). Formed in 1999, Phoenix became an underground hit with the loungy, mellow and unpretentious sound heard on their 2000 debut album United.
Tragedy stuck Ardee Co.Louth today as a wild sheep sex orgy went astray.
Things where quiet in the town until about eleven o'clock this morning when some yahoo from an unknown location was protesting on the church grounds over the law brought in about sheep marriages. He decided to have a wild sex fling on the church grounds with a flock of innocent sheep that he had robbed from somewhere up at Funshog. All was well as he was belting away in protest until the announcement was made on the radio that Finlays where putting the tickets on sale for The Ting Tings at Slane this year, that's when things went horribly wrong.
The locals got into such a panic they all fled down the Drogheda road at once. Two cars and a tractor went hay wire and skidded on to the grass killing the man stone dead and injuring several sheep. As if things weren't bad enough, sources say the surviving sheep got so startled they began to flee the scene.
When out of no where like a big Blondie angel comes none other than Hulk feckin Hogan on a bloody scooter. With no thought for himself Hogan sprang into action and began rounding up the sheep like some sort of new age cowboy, Never was there such a scene to be seen. We managed to grab a few words from Hogan before he headed of down the River Dee to continue his fishing trip with John Sherry. He said " Yeah brother, what a bunch of feckin egits' do you wanna feel my pythons brother, oh yeah " and then he headed off like a bat out of hell. Sources said Hogan was later spotted wearing just his red trucks running from Mullens to The Castle Inn pissed out of his skull. It's a funny auld town.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Fight Like Apes are an Irish music band formed in Dublin in 2006. Their members are Tom (bass), Adrian (drums), "Pockets" (so named because of his tendency to "pocket" cigarette lighters) on synth and Maykay on vocals and synth
They have made festival appearances at the SXSW festival in Austin, Texas and on the BBC Introducing stage at the 2008 Glastonbury Festival. They have also recorded sessions for Marc Riley on BBC Radio 6. They also recently played at the 2FM New Band Stage at Oxegen 2008 in Punchestown. Grand.
You've read the headline now read the story. It's true Britney Spears went stone feckin mad in Ardee just this very Monday morning. Sources say she got upset that the fish van wasn't going to be in the town until Friday morning and she lost the rag, breaking the windows in The Railway Bar along with shouting profanity's at the locals. She then fled to Blondie Callans demanding a short back and sides. Immediately after she was seen tearing up Sean O Carroll street like a banshee on crack, Then with a leap like a woman possessed she horsed over Donal Mc Goeys wall and retrieved a large green brolly. She then began to creep up to Mc Goeys corner where she could be seen stalking a lovely Massey Ferguson that was coming up the town. She jumped into the middle of the road and tried to stick the brolly threw the spokes of the tractor. Little did she know the Massey is made as thick as a Tonka and has a sound that would make a wolverine purr. The driver scratched his head as if to say don't do it ya silly hooer. God love her, she got dragged have way to Dromin where she was found later by the guards and brought down to the station for some tay and a rasher sammage. Sources say she loves rashers and she began to feel better straight away and she will be grand for the Circus Tour in The Bohemian Center on Wednesday night at nine straight after the bingo.
Photo By Peter Duff.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
While doing some research for a blog i was going to do about The Jumping Church i started to read some historical articles. It turns out that Paddys story about the army that are sleeping under the hill is actually true. Years ago the army came from a mountainous region in eastern Europe to explore the caves that run from The Priests Mount to the church. They sailed over to Ardee in a huge boat but nobody seemed to realize that they had an extra stowaway except for Paddy years later.
Paddy would head into the shops on his bike as usual for his daily turnip and sliced pan, but the local people seemed a little startled when he began to buy two turnips and two sliced pans and he had these weird hairs stuck on his clothes and nobody knew where they where coming from. You see they where really thick hairs that surly looked like they didn't belong from this world. The weeks went by and with each day he hit the shops the locals noticed he was in great form but yet these weird hairs were still stuck all over his clothes. Somebody had to get to the bottom of this and the locals got together and headed to Sgt Duignan to sort out the scandal.Ardees finest went on a mission to find out what was going on. They crept up threw the Crescent and headed across the fields to get a good vantage point so they could see in the window of Paddys house with the new binoculars. They hunkered down with a good flask of soup and an old blanket for the stakeout. Three hours later, all the soup gone and several fights over the binoculars they finally spotted something big but they could only see by the light of the tele. Suddenly they noticed the object move and the light came on outside and then the jaws dropped. Out walks the one and only Bigfoot and he started to take in the washing. They approached the beast and it turns out that he was really nice and spoke with a mad Ardee accent. Paddy found the beast stealing turnips and took pity on him and decided to name him Juicy.They now live together up the black road and enjoy watching Neighbours every day and eating turnip sandwiches. I found the picture in the Natural History Museum in Manhattan.
So Matt Pinfields segmeant at the radio station RXP 101.9 which is on in the morning from six til ten is the best thing on radio. I listen everyday at work because he plays the cool stuff nobody else plays. For exemple, Airbourne Toxic Event, The Kings Of Leon, all that type of stuff and he's got these great storys.
Yesterday he came to Yonkers and i went to meet him, i made him the T-shirt with I Came On Eileen which he thought was cool. So we got to talking about music and stuff and it is amazing, he has met nearly every band under the sun. After he was done he was so cool to come and hang out at the local bars and have a few pints and play pool and the jukebox. I couldn't believe it as you can tell by my big cheesy head. He was telling me about how he met with people like Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Bo Diddly to Lilly Allen and how he's is good friends with Manny from The Stone Roses. If i Named somebody he had a story or would start to sing some lyrics, Amazing. I slaughtered him at pool though. Smiley Face. He asked me to go up to the station some day to hang out and meet some folk and he said i could go on the air and say abit about MS and stuff. Now that would be something to hear and me still with the mad Ardee accent on the radio in New York, classic. I'm gonna do it for the craic, feck it. He was really nice, we went to Clarkes and he had some Guinness and we watched some of the Ireland game and then to Danny Macs for pool and the jukebox. It's cool to hear him on the radio one day and then be hanging out. Great success !!!!!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Up until recently the band where called The Muslims, but only the name has changed. They still have the slick Punky riffs and the 60s vibe. My favourite song of the week and a class video.They are touring with Franz Ferdinand so look out for them.
Finkelstein & Matt Lamkin Produced by Felipe Lima Camera by Tarek Khalil Production Support from Iván Bordas, Ashely Fenton, Elena Gallen
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.
The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ... your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."
Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."
The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.
Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way ... ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.
When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me ... I'm off it for lent!
From the ruins of the critically lauded band Lifter Puller, former members Craig Finn and Tad Kubler applied the same intellectually stimulating lyrical slant with a more refined "classic-rock" sound with their new band, the Hold Steady. The band put to tape two albums of smart, bar-band friendly rock and roll for the Frenchkiss label, and picked up right where Lifter Puller left off, impressing critics and fans alike, prompting the Village Voice to put them on the cover of their May 2005 issue---the first New York band to receive the honor since 1990.You gotta stay positive !!
I am doing a six mile walk for MS on the 19th of April. It is one of six hundred walks that will happen across the US. Last Year the Walk MS fundraising earned nearly half a million dollars. Part of the this money goes towards finding a cure for MS and part goes to helping people with the disease to live a better life. I am lucky in a way because only my right arm was affected so far but alot of people get hit with there legs or vision on the first attack, so if you can imagine being fine one day and the next day waking up with the loss of your legs, not cool.
I first felt a tingling in my right arm and left little finger which gradually got worse over the course of four months to the extent of not being able to wright or hold a cup not to mention going to the bathroom. If you can imagine wearing a thick pair of rubber gloves and trying to button your shirt, it's kind of like that. That's only the physical side, the mental issues are nearly worse. Fatigue is a major problem for most MS sufferers, for example, today at work i was so tired that by three o'clock i had to stop and sit down and it is a tiredness like no other believe me. I could go on and on about the many symptoms but i won't go in to it. So if anybody would like to make a donation of even $5 it would go a long way. Simply click the Irish Fighting MS link and follow the next link to make a donation. I never thought it would happen to me, a cure needs to be found !!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
A young autistic kid in Japan climbed out of the third floor window of his school and would not come back in for his mother let alone a load of spring rolls. Thankfully a Japanese fireman was on hand and when the young boys mother said " he rike sprider mah" the fireman ran down stairs and retrieved his sprider mah outfit, allegedly he had it to spice up fire drills, maybe he had it to sweet and sour up fire drills. Anyway he told the kid to come in from the ledge and low and behold the kid did. Only in Japan !! True story i swair.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
A Fry is best enjoyed sitting at a table with a cuppa tay but wouldn't it be mad if you ate a fry in these spectacular destinations.
First up it's The niece Foley all the way from the Jackeen State, Dublin. Go on you hooer.
1) At the top of mount Everest
2) in the sea/at the beach sand in your gooey egg – not nice!
3) In court
4) While Bungee Jumping
5) On a roller coaster
6) On a horse
7) In a pig sty
8) In an operating theatre
9) In a funeral home
10) At mass on good Friday
11) At an interview – hold on there I’ll answer that question when I've finished me jumbo sausage
12) At the docs
13) In a veggie restaurant
14) Playing hurling
15) At the dentist
16) At the hairdressers
17) On the bus
18) At the gynaecologist ?!?
Lovely football there The niece,gold star for you, Grand
Brian Cassidy from Monaghan is next with his 10 things although I'm sure he found it hard to drag himself away from all the old men. Show me the money $10.000 pvt joke
Ya couldn't beat a fry out on one of those barges on the Hudson river
wit the wind in your hair and the sun on your back.
1) A fry cooked on the engine of your car.
2) In a Chinese restaurant so you could order flied lice wit it.
3) In bed wit the mott with a good helpin of black puddin. Or white.
4) In a pig factory.
5) In mass on Sunday mornin. Before ya go for your hangover fry.
6) In corby rock egg farm in monaghan.
7) In the middle of the haapinny bridge in Dublin wha?
8) At the all Ireland final hi !
9) In the operatin room usin a scalpul and forsips yum! More red sauce please.
God love him, go on now home with ya, ya egit
I'll give it a go shur.
1) In a spaceship
2) In Ethiopia
3) At a Kid Rock concert
4) At O.J Simpson's trial, Extra black pudding pls
5) Of Kim Kardasians hole
6) In Rhianna's kitchen the morning after the boxing.
7) In the Bora Bora mountains
8) On a raft in a pond surrounded by loads of big frogs
9) At an anti abortion rally
10) In Brittany Spears jet wearing nothing but wellies
Nickel Eye is the solo project of The Strokes' bassist Nikolai Fraiture. When The Strokes' hiatus began taking longer than expected, Nikolai reached into an old shoebox of poems and rants written years ago. With his free time, he began adapting them to music. There is talk that the Strokes are going to be putting out a new album this year but we will see i suppose.
In Santa Cruz, California in 2006, a small group of friends and musicians formed The Vox Jaguars.
The members of the Vox Jaguars are:
Jordan Topf - Main Vocals/Guitar
Trevor Hope - Drums
Noah Bond - Main Guitar/Vocals
Mason Rosenberg - Bass
The Vox Jaguars base themselves on wryly romantic lyrics and lusty dance floor tempos which transport you to the most righteous basement parties of your youth - when we were all spitting our ADD meds into the toilet and sneaking out the kitchen door to get loaded on box-wine, suck face and be awash in music that informed the urgency of our shared adventure. Vox Jaguars are a band to look out for. The members of the band are all under the age of 18. Grand young fella's.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Shell Suits are deadly because
- They have a lovely sheen to them
- They have a zipper
- They make you look class
- They double as a mack
- They make you blend in well in Dublin
- They have lovely bright colors
- They have elastic at the end of the leg and sleeve
- They have to be worn with runners
- They don't look class if worn with shoes or Docs
- They look bizarre if worn driving a tractor or JCB
- They can be worn to a disco or mass
- They can be wiped clean easily if you spill gravy on them
- They can dazzle girls into submission
- They can be worn jogging or shopping for a piano
After 61 years the Paddys do it, Deadly Rugby game yesterday.
Incase you would like to learn some Welch, These are some must have phrases
My hovercraft is full of eels - Mae fy hofrenfad yn llawn o lyswennod
Call the police! - Galw'r heddlu!
Good luck - Pob lwc!
Dont leave home without them !
Friday, March 20, 2009
The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer was a BBC TV sketch show written by and starring double act Vic Reeves & Bob Mortimer. It is regarded by many as the pinnacle of their TV work to date. Its first series appeared in 1993 following the duo's move to the BBC after parting company with Channel 4. The show marked a continuation of Reeves & Mortimer's bizarre, anarchic and frequently silly comedy first explored on Vic Reeves Big Night Out.
A very simple but great video that goes hand in hand with the song. The song is probably one of the best by Bright Eyes, definitely a song with much more hope than a lot of others by the band as he is a little depressing and the new album has gone all country up in this piece, which i don't like at all. The song is from 2005 but it's a cool video.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I have been listening to Airbourne Toxic Event since last year and i think they are deadly, the band from San Fransico have been doing really well and selling out all there latest shows around New York. Watch out for them, the are gonna be huge.
FOR BEST RESULTS PLAY THE VIDEO AND READ !!
Well sez i, i thought i was the only one to fall for the mighty power and strenght of the lovely Case International, with her defined curves and sultry red body who couldn't stop to watch her pass by on a frosty morning, with the two head lamps poking out through the mist. Such a sight to behold, nothing would come close, not even the blessed Mary herself. Ya see The Case International is a steady strong brut of a lassie but when you get in side her and drop the hand below and insert your key, the pleasure is second to none, she takes of kinda rough but gets into her rhythm after you give her a few old pokes and slaps. I think she kinda likes the heavy and dirty terrain but shur what lassie doesn't sez i. She does like it when the auld rubber from the tires sinks deep into the dirt, go on sez i we'll not have the milking done at this rate ya auld hooer. As i give her more sally ya can smell the Daysal coming flying out of her pipes as she roars for attention. Go on sez i, you can do it ya big red tramp, thats a good lassie. She loves to please ya see and that's why it's only human nature that a lad would fall head over heals in love with the lovely Case International.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The other day i got a call from Emmet Rodgers who is the bartender at The Rambling House bar on Katonah ave in the Bronx. Emmet and a load of the staff are going to shave there heads to raise money for the St Baldricks foundation which helps kids with cancer. Emmet asked me would i do up some designs for t-shirts so they could advertise the event which is taking place on the 28th of March in the Rambling House bar. So i came up with some designs and printed up the t shirts, from each one i sell i donate some money to the MS society, from one charity to another. Sure we're grand chaps.
80's rock band from Ardee County Louth Ireland. Peter Duff, Paudie Bradley, Pat Clinton, Drack McQuillan, John Farrell. From an RTE show called "SBB ina Hee"
So a few weeks ago when i started doing The Ardee man blog i did a post about Benny Andersons. A day or two later i got an email from a lad called Peter Duff i had never heard of him berore, he said he was going to Ardee for a visit and was trying to see if Bennys was still open when he stumbled across my blog. From Ardee originally Peter moved to Portland Oregon but before he left he was in a load of Ardee bands like Jack Madness, Cheeky Pigs and a lot of pub bands. Then he managed bands like the Bogey Boys who had U2 opening for, he did the first promo for Mamas Boys in the U.S. He ended up doing sound all over the U.S for lots of people , john lee hooker , Robert Cray. Etc. His last run was two years on the road with a spandex band called " Justin Sayne" think poison or Van Halen.
We where emailing over and back and it turns out he is a relative of mine that i didn't even know about, it's a small world. So check out the mad video from Cheeky Pigs !!!!!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Years ago in the early 70s Axl Rose as a young boy found work in a mental home for munchkins, trying to scratch some money together so could but his first guitar, it actually is the guitar that he wrote some of Guns N Roses biggest hits on. Anyway he wasn't earning to much money so he came up with the idea of trying to get 100 new munchkins into the hospital in a week.More munchkins more money he said to himself. Desperate for his guitar he hit the streets carrying a big box and a fishing net. He set all kinds of traps to catch the munchkins, i remember one of the traps was an elaborate mechanism of ropes and pulleys and it involved a bag of Monster Munch and a Marathon bar. He would lure them in one by one on his quest for 100 munchkins. As the days went by he was on the way and he could almost feel the strings of the guitar in his hands. At this stage there wasn't to many munchkins left in LA, ya know it's not the yellow brick road, but he plowed on until finally he had captured 99 munchkins and put them in the mental home. With one day left Axl scowered the LA streets but to no avail. He passed by the music shop where the guitar was placed in the window with a tear in his eye he wrote these lyrics " all i need are some little patients, yeeaahh "
Overall winner of the Guilt By Association music video contest. The very talented Andy Cahill directed and created this video to Devendra Banhart's cover of the Oasis song "Don't Look Back In Anger. Really cool video
Is Foster still there standing tall and strong
What about guards Fahey and Long
Do the boys still drink below in the Dee
Will i still catch Joe Kellet takin a pee
Will it still forever to catch a cab
I heard there are coloured lads now selling kebabs
What about Shambles i heard it's great
Feck it sez i, I'll stay there late
I heard a load of people have died
But yet Benny Anderson still alive
The sales yard now gone, where to buy cows
Surly this is wrong
I heard there is a big bypass
Maybe now I'll be on time for mass
Do Callaghan's have them puddings black and white
I heard that's what the people now are like
Does the Jumping Church still stand
Is Paddy still there with rake in hand
Is it true you have to pay for bags
And outside for smoking fags
Is the price of a pint a fiver or more
If that's the case it's cans galore
Is Smiggy still around
Will i still find him plastered on the ground
How are things above in the Crescent
Is it in the past or moved to the peasant
And what about the mental, is it still there
Do the mentallers still stop and stare
Is yer man still around that rattles young ones cages
That's right me mother said he's been dead this ages
Does the pattern still go on above in Dromin
And are St Kevin's set up to win
Vincent Gorman now retired
After 39 years at least he wasn't fired
Is the road still as bumpy below in the bog
Or did Louth County Council start to turn the cogs
And what about Enda and Brian Muldoons
Do they still get the occasional goons
I heard there's a new Fire Brigade
And Seamus Farrelly still doing the parade
Sure i suppose I'll see for meself in June
When i get back to me mammy and fed with the spoon
Ardee Shane Gorman 16/3/09
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Feel free to add to the list....firstname.lastname@example.org
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Yeahsayer are bleedin rapid they are.The music of Brooklyn's Yeasayer is an eclectic, genre-bending journey into pop, rock, Middle Eastern and African musics, folk, and dub. Vocalist/keyboardist Chris Keating and vocalist/guitarist Anand Wilder were both raised in Baltimore, where they honed their vocal skills in a barbershop quartet and played in a high-school band, Sic Transit, before leaving town to attend different colleges. Years later, the two relocated to New York and began shaping the project that would soon become Yeasayer. Wilder's cousin, Ira Wolf Tuton, joined as the group's bassist, and drummer Luke Fasano was the last member to climb aboard in May 2006. The band set to work on recording its debut album, All Hour Cymbals, which was unveiled to much critical acclaim (not to mention a healthy blogosphere buzz) in October 2007. International tour dates followed, during which the band honed its blend of live instrumentation and prerecorded samples.
Although this is not the original video to the song it is hilarious, the state of them. The video is from a band called Apache (Tommy Seebach) but somebody mixed the song i like from Port O Brien to the video.In the summer of 2007, the band released a compilation of previously self-released songs titled The Wind and The Swell on American Dust Records. They've become a touring machine since the critically lauded M. Ward first named Port O'Brien his Favorite New Band on Pitchfork Media. They have been able to perform with several of their favorite artists; touring the United States with Rogue Wave, the West Coast with Bright Eyes, the Cave Singers, and Nada Surf; and England with Modest Mouse.
Monday, March 9, 2009
I really like this video by Japanese motors.They are the most exciting thing to come from Orange County since the heyday of Social Distortion and TSOL. Hailing from Costa Mesa, the Japanese Motors are made up by main vocalist Alex Knost, guitarist Nolan Hall, bassist Daniel Michicoff, and drummer Andrew Atkinson, the band is known around Southern California for the insane, all-night blowouts they put on as much as for the driving, raucous garage pop they set the partying to. Rather than fight the influence of theiMore details.They are palying at Terminal 5 this Sunday the 15th of March but with Paddys day on Tuesday i doubt i will be going.
When i first heard this song i thought it was kinda shite but after i have heard it a few times it's growing on me .Molly thinks it is shite but sure see what you think.I thought it was the type of song that you would hear on the american version of the Green Scene if there is such a thing, no, there wouldn't be such a thing there is only one green scene boy jaysis. After doing some research on the band i see that Antony is from West sussex England his unusual background saw him relocating from his native england at the age of 10 to be raised in california, usa. he moved to new york in 1990 to attend the experimental theatre wing at nyu, and before long had become heavily involved in the city's punk drag scene. paying homage to fabled performance artists leigh bowery and klaus nomi, antony began performing late night cabaret sets with the blacklips collective at the city's pyramid club. in 1995 he assembled a backing group, the self-styled antony and the johnsons, and began to focus on the musical side of his performances. the group built up a cult following at hip new york clubs such as the kitchen and knitting factory, but their debut blue angel remained unreleased until current 93 leader david tibet signed antony and the johnsons to his durtro label. the cast list of musicians on the album, released under the title antony and the johnsons in 1998, included transsexual artist baby dee (harp), francois gehin (bass), todd cohen (drums), charles neilson (guitar), and a number of string and woodwind players.I like them so tough shit if you don't.
As you know Chris Brown is not on my Christmas card list after he beat poor Rihanna to a pulp, God love her. Myself and Molly went for a drink in the local Irish bar Burkes in New york of Saturday evening and on our way out Molly spotted the poster to the left .The poster says Chris Brown was playing there on March sixth, as i suspected it wasn't the woman beater Chris Brown,it was just some other lad with same name.But can you imagine if it was him, there probably would have been a lynch mob out looking for him, all carrying sharpened hurley sticks and pitch forks looking to beat him blue.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Once upon a time there lived a flat fish called Evan. He wasn't like the other fish though. He was always a bit of a rebel and tried to do things differently.
Each morning he and his brothers would get up to go to school with all the other fishes.
"Hey", he'd say to his brother Paul, "let's go over to that fissure where the water is hot and bask a bit."
"No, Evan", he'd reply. "That's where the squid hangs out and he loves to eat fish like us. It's too dangerous."
"You're such a cowardy custard", replied Evan. "I want some danger."
He was an inquisitive little fish too, always asking questions of his parents.
"Dad, what's down there where the water gets really deep?"
"Monsters, son. Strange fluorescent monsters with eyes on stalks and more tentacles than a room full of octopuses. Whales too. Great big whales who just open their mouths and swallow you up."
"And what about over there amongst those rock formations?"
"Eels, son. And stingrays who don't care if you hunt crocodiles or not. And Manta Rays who are always hungry and looking for a snack and they love little fish like you."
"And what about where the light shines near the surface?"
At this his father grew serious.
"You can never go up there son. It is a place without water. Instead they have a dry substance they call air. This air will get into your gills and kill you. As well as that there are disgusting bipeds up there who would cut you open, pull your guts out, chop your head off, stick a smelly bulb inside you, cover you with salt then bake you in a place called 'the oven' where the air is as hot and dry as a camel's flange. Promise me you will never go there, son. Promise me!"
"I promise, Dad".
"Good lad, now lend your mother a fin with the dinner. I'm starving. I hope it's seahorse again. Mmmmm, seahorse."
Now, those of you reading who have children of your own will know that the best way to make a child interested in something is to expressly forbid them from having anything to do with it. And so it was with Evan. He became obsessed with the land above and sought out those who knew about it.
He went from one old wise fish to another and each one of them told him the same thing. That if he went there he would surely die and that his life was sub-aqua with his family and friends.
One day though he met a flying fish. They were highly regard by all the others as they could leap out of the water and when they weren't being pulled out of the sky by a castaway and fed to a Bengal tiger they could look around them and see what was going on. It was well known that they had lots of information about what went on above the surface.
"Hey", he said to the flying fish. "Can you tell me what happens up there?"
"Sure kid", said the flying fish, whose name was Arnold. He went on to describe in vivid detail everything he'd seen. Islands, lagoons, rock formations and even the strange bipeds his father had warned him about. The only problem was the fact he couldn't get up there. No matter how close he swam to the shore he was unable to get out of the water and onto the beach.
Once again though Arnold was able to help him. Every day after school Evan would race over to Arnold's crevice and take lessons on how to jump up and out of the water. At first he was given exercises which made him waggle his tail fin and swim fast. He was impatient though, saying to Arnold "When do I learn to jump?"
Arnold replied, "Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good, jumping good. Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?"
Soon though he learned to focus on the job at hand and before long he was making mighty leaps through the air and back into the sea. He practiced and practiced until he became expert and then he knew it was time.
One morning having just left home he confided in his brother what he was going to do.
"I'm going to jump so far and then I will be where no fish has been before. The excitement, the danger, I'll make history. People will know my name all over the sea. I'll be famous. You can be my manager."
"Please don't do it!", cried Paul. He knew his brother and realised that he hadn't thought about how he was going to get back. He had visions of him flopping backwards and forwards as the poisonous air dried out his gills. "You'll die, I don't want you to die."
"There's nothing you can say to stop me, Paul. It is time for me to face up to my destiny. I will soar through the air and once I hit the land I will feel mighty. Then I will come back and claim my position as the world's greatest ever fish."
Paul knew now his brother had lost his tiny little mind. He tried to stop him again but his pleas fell on deaf ears. He knew he needed help and raced back home to get his father.
He swam as fast as he could and explained the situation as they swam like lightning back to where he'd left his brother but it was too late. As they neared the shore they saw something moving as fast as a bullet, silver glistening as the sun's rays came through the water. Then with a flick of his tail he took off out of the water and landed thirty feet on the beach, never to be seen again.
"We were too late", sobbed Paul, distraught at this loss of his sibling. "Evan is a plaice on earth."
I first stumbled across Flight of the Concords one Sunday night on HBO and i have been watching them ever since. I liked the first season better than season two which is about half way done, either way they are great and i this is one of my more favorite songs.
New Zealand's self-proclaimed "4th most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo" got their start in Wellington. Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement (musician/funnyman and funnyman/musician, respectively) started crafting their unique, two-man comedy mélange in 2002, while the two of them were living together at college. Overcome by a dream, in which a V formation of Gibson Flying Vs resembled a gaggle of Concorde airplanes, the band christened themselves Flight of the Conchords and began honing their act in the local comedy and rock clubs around their town in the late '90s. By 2002, they could be found playing such high-profile gigs as the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. When they returned to the fest in 2003, they were nominated for the Perrier Award, thus making them "the almost award-winning 4th most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo in New Zealand." Between those gigs, Flight of the Conchords self-released the album Folk the World and, by 2005, was the subject of a six-part BBC Radio 2 broadcast series -- a largely improvised affair in the vein of Spinal Tap and Tenacious D. Also in 2005, the group landed a spot on HBO's Friday night series One Night Stand. In 2006, Clement was featured in a series of humorous commercials for the U.S.-based Outback Steakhouse restaurant chain, and later that year, the band penned a deal with U.S. indie imprint Sub Pop. The label released the half-studio, half-live EP The Distant Future a year later. Shortly after signing to Sub Pop, the two got their breaks as actors. Clement scored a starring role in the indie romantic comedy Eagle Vs. Shark, and HBO offered Bret and Jemaine their own series. Flight of the Conchords, the show, premiered in June of 2007. Combining the understated humor of Ricky Gervais's Extras and the musical slapstick of Tenacious D's six episode HBO series, the show followed the two trying to achieve success as a band in New York City, with silly songs worked into the plotlines. After 12 episodes, it was announced that the boys would return with a second season in 2008. In April of 2008, Sub Pop released a full-length album of songs from the show
Thursday, March 5, 2009
In my 21 years living in Ardee you notice some strange things......
- People greet you with "did you hear who's dead"
- People greet you with "well" does this mean that people in Ardee are to lazy to say the whole sentence for example.
Normal people - How are you today. I am well thank you.
Ardonian - Well, what's the craic.
3. Instead of waving some people use the claw or hand span.
Explanation - The claw or hand span is used widely in Ardee as a greeting or wave, It consists of one spreading there hand so all fingers and thumb is spread apart like a bunch of bananas, then with a downward motion of the wrist the claw or handspan is in effect. Some times the claw or handspan may be dickied up by opening the hand as before but instead of a downward motion one can use a vertical up and down motion. It's so easy a Cavan man could it. I must add, the claw or handspan works best when presented across the wind screen of your car as you pass by a friend on the road. Or driving any sort of tractor.
4. Nearly everybody from Ardees first job was picking strawberry's with Pajo and Francis Commins. I personally was ran after about 2 hours with the phrase "go way you, your fuckin atein more than your pickin" Classic.
5. Why is there nearly always an empty bottle of Lucozade on Dunne's wall at the top of the town. Or is that the bottom of the town ?
6. People get excited to know who has the first new car with the new years number plate.
7. Mario's and the Chinese in a dietary staple.
8. The Muldoons never seem to run out of money.
9. Are the giant rocks inside the gates of St Josephs Hospital driveway to keep the knackers at bay ??
10. How is there still no bathroom in Benny Andersons when it's been open for about 100 years?
I am proud of being from Ardee and only breakin balls so i hope nobody gets pissed off and have used the handspan for years and still do. It's just a bit of craic. Thanks to Nicola Taffee.
One more thing does anybody know why our new pup eats his own shite ?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
As i'm sure most people know i was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in November of 07. In the video it shows how to inject the drug Copaxone. I have to do it every day. When i made the video i was a wee bit depressed which can be a side effect of the drug and MS. Last night i was at an event for MS to try to figure out ways to earn money to donate to finding a cure. I raised $3000 for an event a while back but i want to earn $10.000 before the MS walk which takes place on Sunday April 19th. If i do i will get a trip to Florida which i think my wife an i need really badly.It has been a hard 14 months but what can ya do. It anybody would like to donate some money to finding a cure please contact me at email@example.com
Monday, March 2, 2009
Look at this deadly video from Montreal based electro-rock duo, Beast, may both hail from France but they've been steeped in the Canadian music scene for years, working with artists as diverse as Lauryn Hill to DJ Champion . To our benefit they began collaboarting and have managed to create an undefinable sound that includes elements of trip-hop and rock. Their debut album was released back in November and has been gaining applause with every ear that it's passed. They have been nominated this year for a Best New Artist Juno, and have recently wrapped up touring with Vancouver's You Say Party! We Say Die!
Yorkshire, England's the Cribs feature three brothers: vocalists/guitarist Ryan Jarman, bassist/vocalist Gary, and drummer Ross. The trio began playing together at an early age, making their debut at a family party in the late '80s when twins Gary and Ryan were nine years old and Ross was just five. The brothers grew up with similar musical tastes, blending quintessentially British influences like the Beatles, Sex Pistols, and Smiths with American indie rock like Beat Happening and Bobby Conn. Eventually, the Cribs got to play with both Beat Happening's Calvin Johnson and Conn; Conn liked the band so much that he invited them to record with him in his Chicago studio. The Cribs released three singles, Another Number, What About Me, and You Were Always the One, before signing to Wichita Records in late 2003. The band spent 2004 readying their self-titled debut album, which was recorded in London's famed Toerag Studios, touring with the Datsuns and performing at that year's CMJ Festival. Late that year they began working on their second album with Orange Juice's Edwyn Collins as producer. The Cribs was released in the U.S. in early 2005. Later in the year, the band issued their second album, The New Fellas. Men's Needs, Women's Needs, Whatever, which boasted production by Franz Ferdinand's Alex Kapranos, arrived in 2007. Heather Phares, All Music Guide.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
I'm going to try to remember 10 cool things about Ardee before i left 10 years ago. Everybody is welcome to write their 10 cool things about Ardee and email them to me and i will post them on the blog.
- Damos Pool Room
- The Hibs Pitch
- Johny Weldon
- Down the Dee
- The Jumping Church
- Johny Martins Bike Shop
- Benny Andersons
- The Animal Clinic sign, somebody wrote Foscals House on it with a marker.
- Enda Muldoons
- The jumping church
- The helmet
- Benny Andersons
- The castles
- Mr's Reid
- Bertie-The patient from the mental hospital who shouts the time at every car that goes by.
- The bog
- The priests mount
- Battered sausage from Mario's
- Curry fried rice from the Chinese
- Gravy chip with onion from the Chinese
- Tractors in the St Patricks day parade
- Monica's shop in Balapouschka
- The Farrelly man who lives on John street,what's his name ?? he collects pens
- Vodka and Mi Wadi orange, does anyone drink that any more
- Packet of Tayto and a Mars or Snickers for school lunch
- The Bargain store
- Poitin playing in Morris's
- As some auld fella said to me the last time i was at home"you're the young Giggins gersha living beyont in Mel burt en"
- Everyone fights about which is the top or bottom of the town
- Seamus Farrelly's for the communion and conformation snaps
- Micky Rooney-it's not a 21st without him
- The Harp for all night lock ins
- Mc Quids for a game of pool and a basket of chicken and chips
- The Fairgreen where you can't wear hats or swear
- Mickey Roger's for a qtr of every sweet under the sun
- Paddy Sherry Cabs-where you get a free tour of Louth with every cab home
- The Ardee Guardai
- The Mental
- The railway line ( lough Aegush )
- Stickillen caves
- Ferdia and Cuchulainn ( drunk and the hunk ) Classic Ardee Humor there. LOL
- The slaggin and the craic
- The jumping church
- The sunshine bar ( down the dee )
- The I.R.A statues
- Dawson's bridge
1. Ardee hadn’t a cinema or any real source of clean living entertainment, it had feck all shops, clothes, music or otherwise but for a small town, there was at least 12 pubs that I can think off… demand and supply….Benny’s, the Harp, the Lemon and Clove….although John whatshisname was a bit scary….
2. Caffrey’s Bakery was good for a coffee slice, sneaky fag and wondering about who was going to end up shifting who on Saturday night…
3. The bus to the Oasis was always good craic..
4. Actually, the bus home from the Oasis usually was too….
5. The Dee – I have to say this as I spent… em…well a lot of time there and to not think of it as cool now would mean I must have wasted a lot of time….
6. The pool room (s) Damien’s and then Joe’s and then Damien’s and then Joe’s and then…it kept changing….the kind of rivalry between Damien’s and Joe’s… Oh! Shinobi! and Tetris…and puzzle bobble…
7. You could always find a nice kind over 18 (or nearly there) person that would go to the off-licence for you when you were feeling a bit young looking….That was pretty good
8. You could buy fags in singles in the hamper and for a very short illicit while, in Damien’s pool room…
9. The Paddy’s Day Parade….tractors…trailors…majorettes from somewhere like Drogheda or ashbourne…
10. Can I say the ardeegardai/gardai siocholoni? They kind of added something special if I do say so myself…..
Next up is Bernard Clarke who hails all the way from the motherland Ardee. After discovering that he had Elephantitis of the ball bag and surrounding areas Bernard decided to put this to use and has had the lead role in these fantastic porn movies .Bernard does Bettystown, Grand Theft Anal, Clarke does Cattle too and his outragous hit Dawsons bridge aint got nothin on me. Go on Bernard your a lovely chap.
- The Ballis Hills
- Benny Andersons - Thats alot of history
- The Jumping Church, Do you really believe it
- Should have been a number 1 hit. The song Cattle Crossing
- Head and Shoulders (not the shampoo) LOL
- St Josephs Avenue
- Hard Days Night Diner. The early days
- Ardee Rugby Club
- The Bat Shed
Performing under the moniker The Streets, Mike Skinner became the first British rapper to gain substantial success in the United States. His albums have sold more than a million copies worldwide, and the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) has called him one of the "most authentic voices of British youth." I'm kinda gone off the streets now but when i got the first album i couldn't get enough. I was listening to BBC Radio 1 and by chance they came on and i thought it was very differant and i have liked them ever since.
This is how mad of a place Ardee is. At Christmas time in the Church in Ardee they have a big tree, lights, Carol singing and a big huge crib at the front of the alter. It's a nice family affair. The crib is a big wooden hand made yoke with the whole gang idin, Jaysis, Mary, Joseph all the animals, the wise men, the lot. One year a couple of Ardees wise men who will remain nameless thought it would be great craic to go into the church for a little pray and steal the baby Jesus from the crib and leave a ransom note, Pure legends. I believe they held Jesus hostage for about a week but they started to feel the heat as Sergeant Dignan was hot on the trail and gaining ground on the assailants as only the Ardee Guardi can do.If you can imagine Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones it would be a similar kind of thing but Ardee style. Anyway the assailants figured they better return the victim without getting the loot just to be on the safe side because the pool where playing in Tenantys the next morning and they didn't want to miss it.
The two boys got away with the crime thank god, Jesus remained in one piece and the Guards got to live to see another day and drink tay.
True Story !!! SOME PARTS ARE FICTIONAL.
The classic from Borat Throw the Jew down the well, it just goes to show how easy it is to take the piss of the middle american people. I dont know how he didnt bust out laughing when he got the reaction he did from the crowd.