The muck spreader

In Ardee Saturday nights are usually when the bizarre and strange things happen like this legendary story.

In the town of Ardee there are a load of pubs and at the time there where two clubs. Club Shambles owned by the Muldoons (the Muldoons are Ardees version of the Ewings in Dallas) was the hotspot club . On a Saturday night in would be full to the gills of Ardonians lowering drink like it was going out of fasion. Most of the time alot of the people would be out drinking for the best part of Saturday evening so by the time you would head to the club the chances are you are fluthered. Now the thing is if you are scuttered the horses of door men wont let you in.

So a group of lads where on the tear on a Saturday making the long long trek from pub to pub and eventually hit club Shambles. If you can imagine the herds of wilder beasts making there way across the Serengeti planes it's a similar site except that its not alligators waiting in the shadows its Sergeant Dignan and his team of crack commandos waiting in silence to snap up the wounded and staggering wilder beasts.

Anyway the lads got to the door and where to full to get in and they where turned away. One young man who will remain nameless came up with a plan to teach the Muldoons (Ewings) a lesson. He was working in the near by village of Collon where he had access to some farming machinery.Outraged by the refusal at the door he hailed down Paddy Sherrys cabs and he got a lift up to Collon where he proceeded to enter a tractor which had a muck spreader on the back.

So if you can imagine being drunk and driving a tractor with a muck spreader on the back and heading down the Drogheda road at about 20 miles an hour at about 12 o'clock on a Saturday night, thinking i'm gonna teach them bastards. Heading down past Endas he could see the lights of club Shambles and all he has to do is make one right hand turn to put his fantastic payback plan in to action. Like a ball python sneaking and slithering towards an unsuspecting rat he makes the turn for club Shambles and with a flick of the wrist and a smile he lets fly the hail of shite all onto the front of the club ,door men and any innocent person that had the misfortune to be standing outside. Now if that isn't pure genius i don't know what is. This to me is why Ardee is such a class place. You can't make this shit up (pardon the pun) So if there are any door men reading this always remember to bring a mack with ya because you never know if there will be an Ardee man about.

NEARLY ONE HUNDRED PERCENT TRUE